Halloween?

A friend of mine, who we'll just call Ringo, always makes a big deal out of this day. He thinks about his costume months ahead of time and puts together the most intricate designs, often including several friends for award-winning "group costumes." This year, however, he forgot all about it. There are several reasons for this but mostly because he's been really busy. Earlier this week he ran into some friends he hadn't seen in awhile. They invited him to their party on Friday and Ringo replied, "Oh cool, is there a theme to this party? I mean, is it like.. dressy?" His friends just stared at him, concerned. I thought it would have been appropriate if the friends had said, "Yes Ringo, the theme is "Halloween" and you can dress up as anything you'd like!"

The reason I tell this story is because I always forget Halloween. Even if I've been planning it all week and I wake up in the morning and say to myself, "It's Halloween!" I will still be confused when I see Gonzos and Jokers walking up the subway stairwell or a bored, sexy Beelzebub waiting for an appointment in her real estate office. Today I saw a parade of toddlers dressed as cows (with udders), astronauts, Hello Kitties, and my favorite, a tiny African-American boy dressed in a smart, blue suit. He was walking down the street kicking and chopping and a father of another child said, "Oh! You're a karate-chopping Barack Obama!"

My point is, how fabulous is this day!? Who could be unhappy on a day like today? It has nothing to do with paganism and it has nothing to do with worshiping the devil.... it has everything to do with FUN!

p.s. I spoke with Tyler who is in Costa Rica today and I asked him if it is Halloween there too... he said that it is and that so far he's seen hookers, crocodiles, and hummingbirds! Hummingbirds!? Let me tell you - they are A LOT more creative there than they are here!

The Halloween Costumes I Can remember (w a little help from my mother and scanned photos)
1981:---
1982:











1983: Clown










1984: Clown (again!)












1985: Red Crayon



















1986: Ballerina












1987: Indian Warrior

















1988:---
1989: Pioneer Lady (complete w hat!)













1990: Beautiful Genie



















1991: Big Baby (complete w teddy bear)














1992: Hobo
1993: Catholic School Girl





















1994:Elly May Clampett (from The Beverly Hillbillies)


















1995: Homie (w a paper sack that said, "Yo")
1996:---
1997:---
1998:---
1999:---
2000: Farrah Fawcett
2001:---
2002: Another Teenage Dirtbag
2003:---
2004:---
2005:---
2006:---
2007:---
2008:---

Really Interesting

A list of every Halloween costume that I can remember (all home-made):

1981 - nothing
1982 - probably nothing
1983 - don't know
1984 - baseball player
1985 - panda bear mask
1986 - Little Bo Peep
1987 - rock star
1988 - princess
1989 - gypsy
1990 -
1991 -
1992 - Native American
1993 - 50's girl
1994 - mad scientist (I wore a white wig)
1995 - sleeping person (aka a teenager wearing pajamas)
1996 -
1997 -
1998 - Tinkerbell
1999 - 80's girl
2000 -Greek Goddess
2001 -
2002 - Avril Lavigne
2003 - Nothing
2004 - Geisha
2005 - Sexy Republican
2006 - Laverne (of Laverne and Shirely)
2007 - a regular person wearing butterfly wings
2008 - No costume (?)

Dance, Dance the Night Away

This reporter wants to know: what makes dancing so irresistibly fun?

Let's be honest with ourselves and finally admit that dancing is the most fun activity ever invented. Praise Jesus. The only reason I enjoy weddings is for the dancing. The only reason that I'm friends with you is for the dancing. The reason our teenage years were so frustrating is because all we really wanted to do was dance, but we didn't yet know that everybody else felt that way, too. Okay. Time to be honest again; what do weddings, my friendship with you, and dance parties really have in common? Totally awesome beats? Possibly. Joyous party-going-ness? Well, yes! But the hard truth is, though dancing is such a gift on its own, God also bestowed alcohol on us for a little lubrication. The ultimate time of your life is going to be a room full of willing and able-bodied friendly folk, a DJ with the knowledge to drop only the most luscious and glee-inducing sound waves, and of course a trickle of maybe a Brooklyn Lager or a couple gin and tonies. It's actually a recipe that I obtained from the back of a box of Kix when I was ten years old. Sure, everything in moderation, but once the dance party is alive and kicking, I physically can't remove myself from it. You know what I'm talking about. It's 2:30 AM. Your B.F.F for F. leans over mid O.P.P and shouts, "I'm leaving!" You look at them, and they just know: you won't be going anywhere. You're not moving until the bartender forces the DJ to quite literally pull the plug on the sound system. It's at that point that you (and by "you", I mean "me") finally notice that you don't recognize a single soul left on the floor; or the rest of the bar for that matter. I'd call it an addiction, but I don't think I've yet harmed friends or family, and I don't think my work is suffering because of it. If anything, I have a greater appreciation for every soul that exists on this planet. All because of the dancing.

An abbreviated version of this piece can be found in Third Place: the magazine (issue no.1). Let me know if you want to subscribe to this literary gold nugget.

New Friend

I know someone who lives in wood,
he is small.

See you every day at noon,
don't run away.

Lonely legs search for holes,
Blue pools hope for meaning,
Why can't we be friends...?

I know someone who lives in wood,
he is small.

See you every day at noon,
now run away.

The First Rule of Blogging

The first rule of blogging is don't talk about your blog.

Just kidding.

Back in March, I went back to Fairfax to visit some former co-workers. They asked me a lot of questions about my life in New York. What celebrities have I seen? Do I have a car? Is life really like Sex and the City? One question that I thought to be particularly humorous was if I bought produce and carried them down the street in a paper bag. Apparently, every movie that is based in New York City has at least one scene where a character carries a paper bag with celery stalks and a baguette sticking out of the top. No wonder I'm not a real New Yorker yet!

Product Placement

I certainly am not the first person to write about this, but I feel that I need to admit that I am affected by it. Knowing that the American Idol finale was going to be an hour and a half too long last night, I intentionally waited to tune in until 9:30 PM. I was pleased to catch a performance by Carrie Underwood and only one group performance consisting of the top 12. The group sang two George Michael songs back-to-back, and I was thinking to myself, “Man, I love those songs. I think I’ll download them when this is over. Where is George Michael these days, anyway?” Wouldn’t you know it? It did seem like they were doing an extended version of “Freedom” as they kept singing well past the last “Freedom” in the song; and then, “Ladies and gentleman: George Michael!” And there he was! He definitely looks old, but I was surprised that he even sounded old. His has a pretty distinct voice, especially when he hits the higher notes, but I didn’t hear George Michael’s voice coming from that old man. Two things were explained when Ryan Seacrest came onto the stage after George Michael’s song was over: 1) George Michael has a cold, so that’s why he didn’t sound so hot and 2) George Michael will be touring this summer for the first time in 17 years. THAT is why he was there. As it turns out, it wasn’t a recognition of George Michael and his place in pop music history; rather, American Idol and all of its sponsors and affiliates are trying to get America to remember how much they liked George Michael so that they’ll buy tickets to his tour. It’s pretty disgusting. I mean, yes, I understand it: the same record label to which David Cook will be signed just wants to promote some of its other artists. But I feel cheated! I thought I was simply being treated to some old skool George Michael, because he was once a great pop singer, but no, they want me to BUY something! I read in the paper this morning that they also want me to see that new Mike Myers movie, AND they want me to drink Coke! In addition to the shameless promotion of it own kind by American Idol, I nearly barfed this morning when I opened up CNN.com, and the news told me what movies I should see this summer. (Hmm, is CNN an affiliate of the companies that are releasing the best movies of the summer?) It wasn’t just a blip on the homepage with a link to the entertainment section; it was a huge block on the upper-left corner, which is usually reserved for terrorists, natural disasters, and sex scandals. Are you kidding me, CNN? I was planning to see Sex and the City anyway, but now that you told me to, well, you've stolen my joy! Don't make me throw my Jimmy Choos at you! It’s fucking gross. Anyway, yes, I did buy two George Michael songs off of iTunes before I went to sleep.

"These bands are bottles of bleach. It's beer and lifestyle music. It's like the next world war's gonna be sponsored by ... I don't know, I mean, what?" - Singles