You Aught to Know

Earlier today, I was at the laundromat around the corner and was surprised to find that -- yet again -- a foreign sock had somehow made its way into my laundry while my clothes were securely locked in the washer. The washing machine was empty when I began loading my laundry, so what gives? Is there really a laundry bandit who switches socks between washers just to mess with people? Why are these foreign socks always white athletic socks, and why are they always so stiff? It was then that I decided that someone should open a laundromat -- probably here in Brooklyn would be a good idea -- called The New York Sock Exchange.

You're welcome.

Segue.

I was born in January of 1981. This means that I have round birthdays pretty close to the start of each decade. Actually, nerds would tell you that my round birthdays and the start of new decades coincide exactly, because we count to 10 starting with 1 and not 0 (e.g. I will turn 30 in 2011). This is all to say that new decades are especially significant to me, because I can reflect on my life in chunks of 10 at the same time that the rest of the world does.

First of all, you ought to know (if you remember Pee Wee's Playhouse, scream now) that the media, on which we so rely to tell us how to think, has not decided on an official name for the decade that is about to conclude. I know this, because I went to Google the spelling of 'aught' before I began this blog post. During this Google search, I discovered a New Yorker article from the future (dated January 4, 2010). As this author is obviously some sort of time-traveler, he must have known that I was going to write this post about our not being able to decide on a name for the decade for the very reason that this past decade was a complete mess. Well, thanks a lot, McFly. I guess I'll go another direction with this one.

No, but seriously.

I was having a conversation with a friend just the other day about how I couldn't tell if this decade was difficult for everyone (minus the obvious: large-scale terrorist attacks, Hurricane Katrina, etc.), or if everything just seemed particularly bleak because it was the same decade where we became adults.

I had just started college when 2000 began. Though I loved Virginia Tech academically, I can't say that I loved the social life at that school. No offense to any of the friends that I made there, specifically my lacrosse teammates (who probably will never read this, anyway), but my misery must have been at least somewhat apparent. I spent 4 years trying to understand why I couldn't get it up for Hokie football or keg parties. Don't misunderstand me: I drank a lot and spent a lot of 'days after' talking about how funny 'it' (drinking/puking/making-out/saying and doing stupid things) was just like everyone else. In retrospect, however, I probably could have picked a school that felt like a better fit.

After I graduated from college, I felt completely lost as I was sans job (and life purpose) for about 10 months. I spent the summer bouncing around Virginia, which wasn't so bad, actually. Laura and our friend, Gillian, had an apartment in Charlottesville at the time, so I crashed there for a while. Laura would get home from her serving job at Chili's (BUSTED!), and we would search for career-type jobs on the Internet while watching disc upon disc of Sex and the City. From there, I spent several months in Georgia with my parents, then several months in Virginia Beach with my oldest brother and his wife (all the while, my brother constantly telling me that I would not find a job posting for 'Rock Star', so I might as well just cut the crap and work anywhere), and then finally ended up in Arlington with my parents again once they wised-up and decided to move back to DC.

Things were actually looking up for a while. I finally landed a real job where I kept getting promoted and where I made a lifelong friend. I moved into a house in Fairfax with friends who were in a band and who provided non-stop laughter and general merriment. And then the happiest time of my life: when I fell in love for the first time.

Then, my aunt died suddenly from a heart attack. I got dumped and was completely heartbroken. The landlord decided to sell the house that we were renting, so we had to move out.

It was time to move on. To NYC!

As much as I'll have good things to say about moving to NYC in future paragraphs, it is important to note that the following events occurred during the first year that I lived here (in order):

1. Out of nowhere, my dad decided to leave my mom after 34 years of marriage. He married someone else mere months (3) after the divorce was finalized.
2. The aforementioned lifelong friend that I made at my first job in DC suffered a stroke and sustained significant brain damage as a result.
3. The shootings at Virginia Tech.

Please know that I don't want to cheapen what happened to my friend or the Tech families as if the above events changed my life forever the way that it has changed their lives forever. BUT. If I'm being honest about how I feel about this decade that is about to end, these were obviously relevant events.

I will, however, claim ownership of my parents' divorce. I don't know if having one's parents get divorced is easier when you are younger or older, but I can tell you that the event propelled me into adulthood the way no other event could have. It has defined my mid-to-late 20's, and therefore will also round out the last half of the aughts (in my world, at least).

It would be great to tie this decade up with a neat bow to be placed on a shelf for reflection as if it would be separate from what will happen with the rest of my life (our lives). I might even suggest to VH1 that they proceed with a fucked-up version of their decade-reflection nostalgia showcases: I Loved the Aughts? (The question mark is intentional as it indicates a tone of "Are you serious? This is the decade that we're talking about?")

It wasn't all bad, you guys. However, the assignment wasn't to reassure you guys that I am having a good time in life (I am). The assignment was to reflect upon the aughts as a chunk of 10, which I have done. The truth is that this decade has unfortunately been smeared with a particularly Resolve-resistant kind of shit. No one is going to be able to mention the aughts without 9/11, for example. It is entirely possible, though, that little kids are still having a good time the way we did in the 80's/90's despite the bad things that were going on in the country and around the world then. What those bad things were, I can't even tell you. I was too young and too in love with Cyndi Lauper to care about anything else.

P.S. I neglected to mention this earlier, but on top of everything else, I think they are getting ready to discontinue my mascara! Oh, aughts, will you show us no mercy?!