Early Blogs

Enjoy these early blogs that I posted on MySpace back when people used MySpace:

Lean Cuisine Observation #1 (Originally posted: March 22, 2006)

I've eaten Lean Cuisine for lunch for the past 2 years. The last cooking direction is, "Let stand for 1-2 minutes. Enjoy!". Should they be so confident? It should be changed to "Let stand for 1-2 minutes, and then see how you feel about it."

I may not be cut out for hipsterville: Reason #1 (Originally posted: October 30, 2006)

A misunderstanding with a small dressing room mirror turned an innocent shopping trip for hipster skinny jeans into a misguided purchase of $70 mom jeans.

I may not be cut out for hipsterville: Reason #2 (Originally Posted: November 3, 2006)

A night out to my favorite neighborhood restaurant suddenly turned sour when my two friends and I attempted to split the bill with 3 credit cards. The previously amicable, army jacket wearing female server took one look at the cards before her and condescendingly spat, "I can't just split three credit cards. First of all, there is a $20 minimum required, AND THIS ISN'T APPLEBEE'S."

Be True to Your Crunch (Originally Posted: February 10, 2007)

Author's Note: Before blogs, there were emails between friends. The blog you are about to read is an exerpt from one such email to a friend dated February 2005

Upon finishing my Fritos Brand Flavor Twists (Cheddar Ranch flavor), I couldn't help but read the Nutrition Facts panel. There was nothing of interest there. My eyes naturally (instead of artificially) wandered over tothe description of the aforementioned snack chips, and I couldn't believe that they were described as the following:

"Fritos Brand Flavor Twists Corn Snacks give you the classic taste of cornwith an added twist - a special shape that means more hearty ALL-AMERICAN crunch ..."

Apparently no one is interested in an all-Japanese crunch or any other foreign crunch for that matter; it's just inferior to any kind of crunch that America has to offer. Basically, we like our crunch to be ALL American.

All I'm saying is, be on the lookout for other ridiculous American snackfood propaganda.

Don't kick a soccer ball (Originally Posted: June 12, 2007)

Don't kick a soccer ball.

If it's raining.

If you have nice flats on with a skirt.

If you're walking in the park.

If the Polish boy yells, "Hey miss! Hey Miss!"

If you do, the shoe will fly through the air with the ball, and everyone will laugh at you.

At least the Polish boy picked it up for me.